well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
