Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
