No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
