i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
