you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
