but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
