I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
