weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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