I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
