Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
