sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
