I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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