I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
