You're so nebulous sometimes
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's shark week go big or go home
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
