I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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