whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
