The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
