The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
