I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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