Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
