So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
