We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
