R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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