I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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