so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
