I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
