Pants 0. Shit 1.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
