I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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