didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
