Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
