What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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