Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
