Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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