Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
