Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
