He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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