I think im going to throw up on grandma
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
