You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
