Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
