yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
