EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love you.
Bad choice
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