I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
