Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
