woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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