at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize