oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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