conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
