Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
