I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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