We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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