I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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