I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
