"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
