ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
