There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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