Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
