Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
