My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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