i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
