I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
