Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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