did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
