He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
