i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
