I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
