Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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