lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
